My last post where I mentioned that different sites had “genres” got me thinking. If a dating site is a song, what song would it be? Use this guide to find what dating site is right for you.

Match.com: “Toxic” by Britney Spears’

I don’t say this to imply that Match.com is actually toxic; but rather to say that Match.com is like a mainstream song that – as cool as you want to be – you just can’t help but love. Match.com has great brand recognition. As a result, it has a ton of members – and good features that allow you to sort through candidates and find what you’re looking for fast. Sure, the bleach blonde in glitter makeup likes it because she doesn’t know any better; but the low maintenance girl that looks good in jeans and a t-shirt isn’t too cool to be into it.

Plenty of Fish: “Jump” by Van Halen (as played by your cousin’s cover band)

Using Plenty of Fish is like listening to any cover band: you recognize the music, and applaud the effort, but you’re glad you aren’t paying for it. If you have enough Busch Light longnecks, you might decide that the chubby girl with the crimped hair and belly shirt showing off her C-section scar is good-looking enough to take home (and smoke meth with). But it’s not likely. Get outta there!

eHarmony: “I said I loved you (but I lied)” by Michael Bolton

Surely, after taking an hour-long quiz, and making it through a several-step “guided communication” process to finally meet someone – surely, by then it must be love. Wrong. I’ve heard of eHarmony successes from some of the older crowd (like people who listen Bolt Dawgie Dawg); but for 20’s-early 30-somethings, unless you want to spend your Friday and Saturday nights taking extensive quizes, laboriously sorting through (poor) matches, and waiting for dubiously active members to respond to your “Communication Requests,” you might want to look elsewhere.

JDate: A really good Christian Rock song (not sure if one exists)

Even though I’m not Jewish, I’ve actually tried out JDate before. Plenty of active members, and what I think are great communication features (the “click” feature is brilliant). Oh, how I would love to seriously dance to this tune; but can’t for religious reasons :P

OkCupid: “Marquee Moon” by Television

What’s that? You never heard of this song? Oh, you’re like – so lame. OkCupid is rife with hipsteresque snark and emotionally-disconnected irony – all too cool for school. You’ll have to play their many quiz games for hours before you can figure out if you’re compatible with someone (if you were too lame to know, “Marquee Moon” is almost 12 minutes long). Well, at least some people find it entertaining.

Again, I can see my bias for Match.com has emerged, but I can’t help it – I’ve just had the best luck there. Certainly I’ve missed some. What song is your dating site?

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